I feel for you both Jo and Jen on this but from a slightly different perspective.
Anyone who has seen my earlier posts will know that I am an oldie (almost 60) and was the youngest of four, there being a 2 year gap between each of my older siblings and me arriving 5 years after the third born. That made my oldest sister 9 years older than me.
I have joked about the times I asked my mother whether I was a mistake or an after thought and never getting an answer. I have to admit that I always thought that I was a mistake. Don’t get me wrong about this. I couldn’t have wished for better parents who I still love to this day, although dad passed away when I was 16 and mum when I was 28 and I miss them both. I never felt unwanted and as I grew older realized that not only were they my parents but also my friends.
My relationship with my sisters and brother was no different than in any other similar family with the usual love/hate phases, mostly love. What we felt about each other as a family was tested to the full when my oldest sister became terminally ill when she was 19 and died at the age of 23. Selfish as it may seem now, I don’t really know how this affected my parents, other sister and brother at the time. I was 14 and it devastated me. Outwardly, I appeared to be the least affected by this but something changed within me. I won’t go into details of how this has affected my life but I know that I would not be the person that I am if it had not been for the love of my parents, brother and sisters.
Never was this more evident than over the last 10 years or so when I would not still be here but for my brother and sister and a few good friends.
So what is my point here?
I considered and still consider my arrival into the world a mistake. It was a difficult time then, as I am sure it is for many parents now in different ways. None of us kids ever felt that we were unwanted or unloved by our parents, but we also know that there were times when the emotional and financial burden we placed on them must have been tremendous. Although they never let us see or know this I still feel a sense of guilt for my part in the hardships they faced.
My message for you and any couple unsure about having another child or indeed a first child is simple. Don’t do it unless you both want the child and all that goes with bringing that child into the world.
So all those friends or relatives telling you to have another child, for whatever reason, should ‘back off’ and let you make your own decisions as a loving couple as to what addition is right for you and your family and if and when you make it. How a child grows and develops is not about whether it is an only child or not. It is about your relationship as parents with your child or children and with each other as a couple that is important.
Having said that, accidents can happen and, although it may not have been exactly planned or wanted, a ‘mistake’ child can bring a lot of love into the world if it is given a fair chance.
Well, its true and I would have to say that anyway, wouldn’t I? 
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