Yesterday we were at Bockett’s Farm near Leatherhead.  The staff were doing a demonstration for the visitors of a goat being milked.  The room was full of parents and kids all very silent as they watched the little goat being milked.  We walked into the room after the milking had started with a view of the goat’s bottom facing us.  Mic announced in front of everyone there “he’s doing a big wee! from his bottom!” - there were many chuckles from the audience.

Mic told me she wasn’t feeling well the other day.  I asked where it was sore and she said it was her “Fred”.  I asked if she meant her “forehead” and put my had on mine to show where I meant.  She said “no mummy, not forehead (pronounced 4-head) - only got ONE head! (she indicated the top of her head).  Silly mummy…

I know it’s a cliche but kids really do say and do the funniest things sometimes - usually at the most inappropriate moments - I guess that’s often what makes it so funny!  You will see in our blog section that we have a competition to find the funniest story about your kids (or your friend’s kids, your grandchildren, god-children...it doesn’t matter what your relationship is to the children as long as you were there when the hilarious event happened!).  At the end of July, we will vote on the post that made us giggle the most and that lucky member will receive a wonderful gift hamper worth £200!!! 

The hamper includes the following:

For your tummy…
* Thorntons Classic Chocolate Selection (yummy - I might keep these )
For your house…
* Agent Provocateur Candle (it smells heavenly)
For your handbag…
* Agent Provocateur 5ml EDP (x2 - fits in your handbag)
For your skin…
* Agent Provocateur Maitresse Finishing Balm (so decadent)
* Elizabeth Arden Skin Protectant
* Avon Magic Face Perfector
Make-up…
* Revlon Custom Creations Foundation (new)
* Clarins Wonder Waterproof Mascara
* Ruby & Millie Cheek Colour
* No. 7 Mulberry Lipstick
For the boys…
* Beckam Signature EDT 50ml
* Usher Skin After Shave Soother

So get posting NOW to be in with a chance to win the lovely prize but, more importantly, so we can all have a really good laugh at your anecdote!  You can post as many different stories as you like - as long as they are all FUNNY!!!!!

“I’m the only child in the WHOLE-WIDE-WORLD.... Who hasn’t got that latest toy, game or designer gear.”

The plot is ageless… I said it… My children echoed it… And now their children are repeating it.

Miggy author of Fay-nights

You spend the first two years of their life teaching the kids to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

We childproofed our home, but they are still getting in.

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day!

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your doctor confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
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Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don’t bother because you remember that last time breathing didn’t do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
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The Layette:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, color coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?
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Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
______________________________________________________
Dummy:

1st baby: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
______________________________________________________
Nappies:

1st baby: You change your baby’s nappy every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
____________________
Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
______________________________________________________
Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
______________________________________________________
At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
______________________________________________________
Swallowing Coins:

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his pocket money.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.” Alan, age 10

“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.” Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
“Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.” Camille, age 10

“No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.” Freddie, age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
“Married people usually look happy to talk to other people.” Eddie, age 6

“You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.” Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
“Both don’t want no more kids.” Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
“Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.” Lynnette, age 8

“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
“I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.” Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?
“When they’re rich.” Pam, age 7

“The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.” Curt, age 7

“The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.” Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
“I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.” Theodore, age 8

“It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.” Anita, age 9

“Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn’t want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I’d just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing.” Kirsten, age 10

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
“There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?” Kelvin, age 8

“You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now.” Roberta, age 7

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
“If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes, especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few diamonds on it.” Lori, age 8

“Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.” Ricky, age 10