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What do you know about Emotional Development?

Over the years I have questioned my feelings and wonder if I will ever understand them all. It’s not so surprising really.  Emotions don’t come neatly packaged so that we can look at them one at a time, in some sort of logical order to test, understand and put away until we need them. In some ways it would be easier if we could be like Commander Data (Star Ship Enterprise) and have an ‘emotions chip’ that we could switch on and off at will to suit our needs at the time.  It is not possible for us to switch our emotions on and off just like that but, as we grow and develop, we hopefully learn how to accept and understand them so that we can use them for the benefit of ourselves and others.

Of course, it’s not as simple as it sounds. It takes time and experience to learn these things and, in reality, we never stop learning as each day brings a new experience with which our emotions engage.  So the mystery is ongoing.  Imagine then what it must be like for a child to understand and deal with their bodily sensations and feelings, particularly when they first begin to notice these.  No matter how caring we are as adults, it is easy to unintentionally underestimate their emotions and even miss the signs that a child could be having emotional difficulties in some way.

Learning to respond empathically to children’s emotions is critical in helping them to feel loved and good about themselves.  We need to listen to them and accept their feelings, to show that we understand how they feel, and to teach them appropriate ways of expressing those feelings.  In practice, adults often do the exact opposite, tending to say things that, with the best of intentions, minimize their significance to the child and make matters worse.  We have all done it.  To the child, it can seem as though they are being belittled and that the importance of what they are feeling is being denied.

If we can show kids that we accept and understand their feelings, we can help them to deal with their emotions in a way that increases their understanding and value of their own individuality, self expression and self esteem.  If we deny or minimize a child’s feelings it can lead to serious problems throughout childhood and in later life.  It is not easy to do this and deal with our own emotions at the same time, but the rewards of seeing a happy, confident and, above all, caring child develop and grow can be immense.

The following three websites form part of the KidsHealth site which has specific areas for parents, teenagers and younger kids.  It provides information and advice about specific areas relative to the often complex nature of emotions, feelings and behavior:

http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/index.html
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/index.html

The following sites are also useful resources in helping both adults and children understand their feelings:

http://www.kidsemotions.net/
http://www.themagicofyou.co.uk/bristol/emotions/emotional-healing-keys.php
http://www.earlychildhoodaustralia.org.au/feelings_and_behaviours/feelings_and_behaviours.html

Author: Sisyphus for Kidz Things
May 2009