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From a Dad’s Point of View

When asked if I would write about my experience of being a father, I thought it would be a relatively easy task.  But, as I sit and write this now, I am struggling to put into words exactly what my feelings and experiences have been so far.  When I consider the range of emotions that I have gone through over the past two and a bit years, I think it’s safe to say that every possible human emotion has been extensively covered – from utter frustration and a feeling of hopelessness to a love and protectiveness that has completely overwhelmed me.

I had always been slightly dubious of my parenting abilities and was pretty reluctant to put them to the test as I knew having a baby was a bit more serious than the usual looking after a fish or plant scenario (both of which died with alarming regularity under my “parentage”).  So when my wife first fell pregnant I really started to worry about how I would cope with the new responsibilities, asking myself all the “what if” questions – ‘what if I was a cr*p dad’, ‘what if she cried every time she saw me’, ‘what if I couldn’t support my family’ and the list goes on.  Unfortunately my wife miscarried before her first scan.  It was a horrible experience but we consoled ourselves in knowing it was quite common – apparently 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage – and we started trying for another baby soon after. 

The day my daughter arrived is one I hope I will never forget (mainly because it will put me off having another child!).  For one thing it was earlier than expected, so I was completely unprepared.  Thank goodness my wife is the calm and level-headed one and managed to guide me through what I had to do (drive her to the hospital!).  We were at the hospital maternity unit by 6am, my daughter was born by 8.30am and we were home by 5pm that day, so to say it was an eventful day is quite an understatement.  It was the middle of winter, no family around to help us, and we didn’t have a clue what to do; how to dress her, feed her, bath her, entertain her, etc.  We had a few home visits initially from midwives but out of the five or so visits we had a different person every time, each with differing opinions on everything, which was somewhat confusing for us amateur parents! 

Looking back, the past two years have been filled with so many ups and downs it really does feel like a roller-coaster (a cliché, I know, but true).  We really did struggle with getting to grips with caring for a young baby initially – not helped by the fact that both our families live on another continent and we were one of the first out of our group of friends to have a baby.  On top of this my daughter had colic and reflux which meant that the screaming and sleepless nights didn’t stop for almost 18 months.  On a more positive note, there is a ‘first time’ for everything when you have a baby and every first time is so exciting: for example, the first time they roll over; the first smile; the first few feet they crawl; the first steps; and the first word.  Every single ‘first’ thing reminds me of how lucky I am to be able to call myself a dad and what a fantastic opportunity I have to do my best to shape this innocent little person’s life into a successful and happy one.

I am enjoying being a dad now more than ever as, at two years old, my daughter can talk really well and we can do so many fun things together and really have a laugh (there is no better sound than her giggling).  For me the best time of the day is when I arrive home after a fairly tiresome day at work and as soon as my key goes into the door I either hear a crash as she throws her toys out of the way and runs straight toward me throwing herself into my arms or, if she is already in the bath when I get home, I hear her shouting “daddy” again and again at the top of her voice and she beams the biggest grin when she sees me.  I treasure our daddy/daughter weekend walks to the park and every minute we spend together means more to me than I could ever explain.

It is now 2 years and 3 months since our baby arrived and changed my world forever.  I must take my hat of to all the mums out there because I do think most dads get off comparatively lightly (I definitely do!) – not having to going through pregnancy, labour, or even staying at home to look after baby full-time – personally, as much as I love my daughter more than anything, I couldn’t do it every day – I would go insane!!  Although it has been incredibly tough, put a lot of initial strain on our marriage, depleted our savings and destroyed our social life, I can say with complete honesty that every time I see my little girl it makes me feel indescribably happy and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.

Author: Paul for Kidz Things
April 2009